“They forgot his works and the wonders that he had shown them.”
I, only, need to lay down my will.
How easily my all too human heart forgets. It’s the same methods, different trials. God opens my eyes to the things of this world that I hold onto. Things not of Him. My being begins to despise these issues. I can all too clearly see how they separate me from my Lord and Savior. Fiercely, I pray that God would take them away from me. That he would cleans me from their presence in my heart. Faithfully, He starts me on the process of holiness. I, only, need to lay down my will. It hurts. It’s hard. I feel as if I cannot continue on, I am too weak. My sinful self cannot handle the transformation happening in my heart. Night after night, day after day, I cry to my Father for help. “Lord, help me carry this burden.”
More trials come. More surgeries to be made. I said yes to this climb to holiness, God is diligent to see it through. My mind is preoccupied with the situations at hand, with the newly revealed debris being cleared from my heart. I forget about the process we have already started.
I may have forgotten, but my Potter did not.
Until months or years later, God reminds me of who I once was. He reminds me of the burden I once carried. It is no longer a part of my being. It no longer defines who I am. I may have forgotten, but my Potter did not. Even when I sleep He is working. He is spinning, forming, and cutting the clay that I am, into something beautiful.
I can see the transformation now. I am in awe of the work that has been done. I do not recognize a part of my face. I look in the mirror and I know who I look at but something has been transfigured. God works wonders. We are one step closer to holiness. But we are not done yet.
The world still has its grip on my soul.
More issues come. More sin is uncovered. The world still has its grip on my soul. I lay down more and more of my will and my desires. We begin a new process and yet again, I cry to my Father to make it stop. I believe the lies that tell me that I will never be changed. That I will never overcome this battle. I cannot win. I forget the work that has been done. I forget the promises that have been made. Oh how frail my simple heart is. Truly I am like the Israelites who witness the glorious works of their Lord but only years later abandon His fellowship and turn to the things of this world. They forget what He has done in the past.
This exact issue can send me in another spiral down the same path. I can allow myself to forget what my God has done and wallow in self pity. I can, once again, let this become my lifestyle. Is this what I want my relationship with God to look like? Lord help me put this to an end.
Soon will this feeble heart of mine remember.
So I make one more alter and lay down one more will. I pray to my Father, and ask that he take away my ignorance. One more step to holiness. No longer will I forget what my God has done, and believe the lies that say he has left my side. I know the path will be painful, my past journeys have proven this true. But now, I will draw my strength from the Lord like the falls draw from the river. Soon, will I not doubt my Lord’s promises. Soon will this feeble heart of mine remember.
You can have it all Lord,
Every part of my world.
Take this life and breath on this heart that is now yours.